Hi Ashley & Carlie,
Thank you for all your teachings. I’ve been off work sick since February with multiple health issues I’ve had for many years and kept pushing through the pain and weakness and kept working. I started watching Andrew wommack and then saw Carlie on a healing panel and looked into your ministry. I know that I know this is what I need to hear for my healing and I know I’ll send another testimony soon regarding this. But whenever I saw the God’s provision and prosperity things I just bypassed them. I’ve tried not to get jaded by some preachers having planes and then asking us to pay money to help make their runway bigger for their bigger jet. I have been faithfully giving to one ministry as I believe the Lord showed me to and it’s between them and Him how they spend the money and I do believe it’s good ground but I don’t know if it’s reality for most of us. Great they have got the revelation but it’s confused me a lot and I’ve basically given but stayed away from learning about that stuff.
However, the Lord has been speaking to me this past few months whilst recovering from a broken pelvis and numerous other injuries that occurred out of the blue once I started changing my confession and turned off all other tv etc. I know it’s an attack but it has caused me to try and learn how to enter into His rest…. it’s always about healing I’m seeking that it blew me away He started to speak to me about finances.
I have recently left a domestic violence marriage by my husband a school chaplain (things weren’t as bad as others as I left early), I have a beautiful little girl I’d taken into my home to care for permanently at the request of her grandmother and she’d been exposed to a lot so no way could I stay in a marriage that would expose her to more trauma. I had Christian friends tell me I had to stay as he has mental health issues and I need to just pray for him etc, I felt so guilty for leaving him as I knew it was a covenant and even though I felt like I was just his mother and there was no feelings or anything toward him, I was miserable but I had made a covenant so as far as I was concerned too bad you must stay. It was a very difficult time as I’d waited until I was 40 to marry, did it God’s way and had not dated etc and gave everything to this man, but I know I raced into it and ignored the promptings of God.
I ended up working and providing for him and his daughter whilst he stayed at home depressed and refusing to work. I eventually filled in all the paperwork and got him the chaplaincy position but had to leave everything to move to the Australian outback for his work. Through all this I was still paying off his debts he brought into the marriage etc. he broughg nothing to the marriage not even the wedding rings, but I’m a generous person and wanted to help him. He really is a nice, gentle guy most the time but I think he is just very broken. We are still friends but there is 1500km between us.
When I left, I basically let him have nearly everything I’d worked hard for, I lost my beautiful home iI had built as a single woman as I’d injured myself and couldn’t work so couldn’t pay the mortgage.
Why am I saying all this? I think to say, it’s amazing how the Lord has provided for me in all this time. I kept giving even though I didn’t want to know or understand all ‘that prosperity’ stuff as I just knew I wanted to bless people at the grassroots etc. in the outback we had no churches around for hundreds of kilometres, so I sowed into a lot of Australian aboriginals and especially the children. I had to teach my new child how to open a birthday present as she’d never done it and how to get into between sheets in a bed as used to sleeping on just a mattress with whoever else wanted to sleep with them that night.
So God has done miraculous things in my life financially and it’s only now reading your blogs I can really see how He was able to use seeds I’d sown through my entire Christian life. Even during Covid my State of Queensland literally shut their borders and wouldn’t let residents return home and couldn’t tell us when they’d open them. They were so fearful of Covid coming into Qld us residents with homes and jobs were shut out. After 5 months of waiting to get home whilst still paying rest for the house I could live in and my little rural hospital needing me, I got a job in Canberra whilst waiting . but God did miracles through that time and we were able to stay at a friends (we were only visiting for 2 weeks when the borders shut). Unlike so many others forced to live in their cars with families through winter even though they owned homes and had jobs but couldn’t cross the border. Through it all we didn’t go without!!
Sorry, so long the reason I was writing was to say, whilst sick and on strong painkillers I fell for a persons sob story I met when he did YWAM who contacted me from Papua New Guinea and offered him a room in my home free of charge and I told immigration I’d be financially liable for him etc etc so he could get a visa and come over and study and I’d try and provide for him. I did this hoping he could make something out of his life and was excited to share what I’d been learning and knew it would help him. I saw him like a son. I kept sending the money he needed for visas etc but all along I felt no peace, when I asked God I felt Him say, ‘ I know you have a generous heart and love giving as you want to bless others and see it as a way of worshipping me BUT you need to learn to sow into good ground’’.
It was then that I started to realise this guy was ripping me off and even though I pled with him just for the truth so I could move on and I explained how I’m not working and am a single mother and gave everything I had to help him, I just wanted the truth. He continued to say it’s all legitimate etc etc. anyway, the stress of it all and the condemnation of me being foolish enough to give to him took me to a very depressed state. Some days I just didn’t want to get out of bed, I couldn’t move due to the breaks in the pelvis, I was in pain with other illnesses, I have Addisons and that was playing up I ended up in hospital but discharged myself as I had no one to care for my daughter and I swallowed my pride and asked my new church as we hadn’t lived here long but I was tithing etc, if they could help out at all. Their answer was get a professional cleaner and they don’t do meals etc. so different to other churches where we would all help out those in need. (I did get some help though from my daughters school, which was an unexpected blessing and a few ladies from other churches made some meals).
So I started having condemnation coming at me big time and disappointment as I’d moved to this town hoping to settle down and make this my church family and be a real part of it. It’s the only church that is Spirit filled in the town and I’ve liked it but I felt like the devil was rubbing my face in the fact they didn’t have that type of outreach to help those in need and I was a failure that I’d moved here and had really be,I even I could finally settle down in a church after 5 years in the Australian outback and I had failed. Lies, lies etc.
BUT I started putting on Terradez ministries and Andrew Wommack despite not mentally wanting to even think let alone listen to someone talk (this is very unlike me, I don’t allow myself to go down these spirals, but I was at the end of it all).
Whenever I needed a good kick up the butt I’d especially listen to Carlie as she is a firecracker and pulls no punches and has the same sense of humour as me, and I loved the way Ashley treats her with such encouragement and honour when she speaks. Seriously, today I actually asked God for a marriage where I will be honoured and respected and loved how Ashley loves Carlie. The other thing that had really impacted me was my family not coming to help or even texting to see if I was ok. God has had to work through a lot there from a physically abusive childhood but even as recently as last year my brother assaulting me in front of my mother and her taking his side. My Father then died and I hadn’t grieved. I’ve always held the stiff upper lip as ‘ we are British we don’t cry in this family’, was my parents motto, or they’d give you something to cry about.
I’ve started to read Carlie’s book ‘ All is not lost’ and I love how she doesn’t have that victimhood mentality. I’ve had psychologists say to me, ‘ we can’t believe you haven’t turned to drugs etc’. I’ve always used those opportunities to share about God’s goodness but they are in amazement as many teach to be and stay a victim.
Crikey, sorry, so sidetracked, through all this God has been changing beliefs I’ve held for years, I’ve never wanted to be a victim so refused to feel sorry for myself etc, but He’s been teaching me it’s time to face the past and acknowledge how hurt I’ve been etc especially with my mum not coming to help me out. It’s like everyday, I say to Holy Spirit, upi have me as a captive audience, I’m stuck in this recliner chair what do you want me to hear today and He always leads me to the perfect teaching etc. but I’ve noticed often I’d fall asleep as soon as I’d start getting into it but would have been able to stay awake if watching garbage on YouTube, so I think that is spiritual.
Sorry, I could go on for hours, what I wanted to testify specifically was I knew very quickly I wanted to partner with Terradez and AWMI as they were feeding me. Then the other night after once again being angry at myself for wasting thousands of dollars, all our savings on this guy from PNG, I got this urgency and desire to give more in my partnership with Terradez. So I immediately got online and doubled the figure to $50 a month even though I’m not working etc, but do have income protection praise God. I want to focus on healing and mainly knowing my identity in Christ as that’s where I know my belief He has already healed me will come from as He has shown me He needs to get right down to the foundation and I’m like, do whatever You need to do Lord, I’m all yours. I was actually saying that when I felt the urge to give more.
Finally, I get to the financial testimony. I had an insurance case for some lost jewellery that had been dragging on for 10 months, they kept losing the paperwork and I’d have to resubmit it but as I was so doped up from the pain meds it could take me ages and then something else would go wrong etc etc. they then started asking questions of the weight of a necklace for example. It was so overwhelming I was ready to just give up on it, even though I desperately needed the money. Within 12 hours of changing my amount to $50, I get a phone call not from the company the insurance company had outsourced my claim to but an actual manager of the insurance company I pay to. She apologised for the length of time it’s taken and said this is ridiculous it should have been sorted a long time ago, I explained I still hadn’t done all the many requests the other company had made, and she said ‘we believe you and will be paying you exactly the amount you claimed for, so you will have $5,689 in your account within 5 days’. After the phone call I felt the Holy Spirit nudge me and say – ‘ see what I did there? That’s what sowing into good ground looks like’. A harvest within like 12 hours! $50 to a harvest of $5000! He took my case to the bosses, granted me favour and got it sorted.
All that to say, I am now open to learning about finances as I’ve been sowing seed Willy nilly and honestly don’t remember most places I’ve sown it and then I’ve had periods where I get confused about tithing and giving. I’ve wanted salvation and healing but said it’s ok God I’m not interested in being blessed etc etc. as I don’t want to sound like some preachers I’ve seen, or get all caught up in focusing on finances. I don’t go without, but through your teaching I see how wrong that is. God wants to bless me and then I can be a blessing to others. Sorry it was so long, just so much I have learnt these past few months I want to share it all!